11 Sep Shh, Inner Voice, It’s My Birthday

A few days ago, I drafted an entry about the deep sadness I felt surrounding my Birthday today. I place so much pressure on myself to succeed in all aspects of my life that the weight of my age felt crushing. “You’re (this many) years old, and you’re not where you thought you would be in your career, you haven’t found real, true love, you don’t own a home– what are you doing? Are you even actually trying?”

And please know, this does not mean that I am not grateful for so many things in my life: my family, my church family, the job hundreds would kill for, the guest house I live in, the friends who check in on me regularly, the mentors who read my scripts, answer my questions, support me, guide me– I am well aware of all of this. But for some reason, this Birthday caused an emotional reaction in me that I didn’t see coming, and I had to release it to get through it.

For this Birthday, I want to gift myself the gentleness that I happily give to my family, friends and colleagues. My inner voice can be so harsh, but I would never think, or say, such things to anyone I care about so why would I talk to myself in such ways?

Thank you to those who gave me their ear and returned with wise words and love. We are in a time where negativity is finding a way to thrive through division, fear and judgement, but our inner voice should not reflect those sentiments. If your inner voice can be as cruel as mine can, I invite you to join me on a path of being kinder to yourself. You deserve a break, you deserve the good things coming your way, and– gosh darn it, you deserve to eat all the cake you want because it’s your day, and no one can take that away from you.

Ok, the cake bit was more for me, but… maybe I’ll share.

Cheers to being grateful for where we are, hopeful for where we’re going, and trusting that God will get us there.